Helping Kids Find the Words for Big Emotions

13 September 2025

Parenting is a beautiful journey—but let’s be honest, it can also be an emotional rollercoaster. One minute, your child is laughing uncontrollably, and the next, they’re on the floor in full meltdown mode. Sound familiar?

Kids have big emotions, but they don’t always have the words to express what they’re feeling. And when they can’t put their emotions into words, frustration often follows. That’s where we, as parents, step in.

Helping kids find the words for their big emotions isn’t just about avoiding tantrums (although that’s a nice bonus!). It’s about equipping them with lifelong emotional intelligence—the ability to understand, express, and manage their feelings in healthy ways.

So, how do we teach kids to navigate their inner world and express their emotions with confidence? Let’s dive in!

Why Do Kids Struggle to Express Their Emotions?

Think about it—how often do adults struggle to articulate their own emotions? Now imagine being a child, experiencing big feelings without having the vocabulary to explain them. It’s like trying to play a song without knowing the notes!

Here are a few reasons why kids may struggle to communicate their emotions:

- Limited Vocabulary – Young children are still learning words. If they don’t know how to label their feelings, they might express them through actions instead (hello, tantrums!).
- Overwhelming Emotions – Big feelings can be confusing and even scary. Sometimes kids don’t know what they’re feeling, let alone how to put it into words.
- Learned Behavior – If a child hasn’t been encouraged to talk about feelings, they might not even realize it’s an option.
- Fear of Judgment – If expressing emotions has been met with negativity (“Stop crying, you’re fine!”), kids might bottle up their feelings instead of talking about them.

The good news? You can help your child develop emotional awareness and communication skills with some simple, everyday strategies.

1. Name It to Tame It

Have you ever noticed that when you name an emotion, it starts to feel a little less overwhelming? That’s because labeling feelings helps the brain process them!

Dr. Dan Siegel, a well-known psychiatrist, calls this strategy “Name It to Tame It.” When kids learn to label their emotions, they gain a sense of control over them.

How to Teach Emotion Words

- Use real-life moments – If your child is frustrated because their block tower fell over, you could say, “I see you’re frustrated. You worked hard on that!”
- Talk about your own feelings – Modeling emotional expression helps kids learn. For example, “I feel a little sad today because I miss Grandma.”
- Introduce a ‘Feelings Chart’ – A simple chart with different emotion faces can help kids identify what they’re feeling.

The more kids practice naming emotions, the easier it becomes!

2. Validate Their Feelings

Imagine you’re upset, and someone immediately shuts you down with, “It’s not a big deal.” Annoying, right? Kids feel the same way!

Validating your child’s emotions—letting them know that their feelings are real and okay—builds trust and emotional security.

How to Validate Emotions

- Instead of saying, “Stop crying, it’s just a toy,” try:
- “I see you’re sad about losing your toy. That must feel really disappointing.”
- Instead of “You don’t need to be scared,” try:
- “It sounds like you’re feeling scared. I’m here, and you’re safe.”

A simple acknowledgment can make a world of difference. It tells your child that emotions are nothing to be ashamed of.

3. Teach Them to Use "I Feel" Statements

Kids (and let’s face it, adults too) sometimes express emotions in unhelpful ways—yelling, blaming, or acting out. Teaching them to use “I feel” statements can help them communicate without making the situation worse.

How It Works

An “I feel” statement follows a simple formula:

> “I feel [emotion] when [what happened], and I would like [solution].”

For example:
- Instead of “You’re mean!” → “I feel hurt when you don’t share. I would like to take turns.”
- Instead of “I hate homework!” → “I feel frustrated when my homework is hard. I would like some help.”

This approach helps kids express their emotions clearly and constructively.

4. Use Books and Stories

Books have an amazing way of helping kids understand emotions—sometimes better than direct conversations! Characters in stories go through struggles, make mistakes, and learn how to handle their feelings, giving kids a safe way to explore emotions.

Great Books About Emotions

- The Color Monster by Anna Llenas – A fun way to introduce different emotions through colors.
- The Feelings Book by Todd Parr – A bright, simple book about emotions.
- In My Heart by Jo Witek – A beautifully written book about all kinds of feelings.

Reading books together and asking, “How do you think this character feels?” can spark great emotional discussions.

5. Play Emotion Games

Kids learn best through play, so why not make emotions fun? Games can provide a relaxed way to build emotional vocabulary and awareness.

Fun Emotion Activities

- Emotion Charades – Act out different feelings and have your child guess what they are.
- Feelings Matching Game – Match emotion words to facial expressions.
- Storytelling Dice – Roll a dice with different emotions and make up a story about a character feeling that way.

These playful activities help children become more comfortable talking about emotions.

6. Encourage Mindfulness and Deep Breathing

Big emotions can be overwhelming, but simple mindfulness techniques can help kids calm themselves down.

Easy Calm-Down Strategies

- Balloon Breaths – Have your child pretend to blow up a balloon, taking deep breaths in and out.
- Five Senses Check-In – Ask your child to name 5 things they see, 4 things they feel, 3 things they hear, 2 things they smell, and 1 thing they taste.
- Hug a Stuffed Animal – Holding onto a favorite toy can provide comfort and grounding.

Teaching kids to pause and breathe when emotions get big can make a huge difference in how they handle their feelings.

7. Be Patient and Keep the Conversation Going

Teaching emotional expression isn’t a one-time lesson—it’s an ongoing process. Some days, your child might surprise you by using an “I feel” statement perfectly, and other days, they might scream their emotions instead. That’s okay!

What matters is that you keep creating a safe space for them to express themselves. Over time, with practice and patience, they’ll grow into emotionally aware and expressive individuals.

So, next time your child is struggling with a big emotion, take a deep breath, offer a guiding hand, and remind yourself: helping them find the words today will empower them for a lifetime.

Final Thoughts

Helping kids find the words for big emotions is one of the greatest gifts we can give them. By teaching emotional vocabulary, validating their feelings, and modeling healthy expression, we’re setting them up for success—not just in childhood, but for life.

It’s not always easy, but every small step you take makes a big difference. And remember, you’re not just raising a child—you’re raising an emotionally intelligent future adult. That’s something to be proud of!