Creating Boundaries During Postpartum to Guard Your Healing

31 December 2024

Becoming a new mom is a wild ride, isn’t it? There are diapers to change, late-night feedings, and trying to figure out how to soothe your crying baby while still finding time to shower. But let’s talk about something we don’t hear much about—your healing. That postpartum period isn’t just for your baby; it’s for you, too. That’s where creating boundaries comes in. In fact, it’s one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself during this season of life.

So, grab a cup of tea (or maybe that leftover coffee from this morning), and let’s talk about why boundaries matter, how to set them, and why your healing is worth it.

Why Postpartum Boundaries Matter

Here’s the thing: after giving birth, your body and mind need time. Like, serious time. You just grew a whole human! That’s not a small deal. Whether you had a smooth delivery or a more challenging one, your body is in full recovery mode. Physically, you’re healing, and emotionally, you’re navigating a brand-new chapter.

Without boundaries, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Family and friends may mean well, but their constant visits or unsolicited advice can leave you drained. Ever heard the saying, “you can’t pour from an empty cup?” Well, postpartum is when that mantra hits home. Boundaries help you prioritize your needs so you can be the best version of yourself—for both you and your baby.

Common Postpartum Challenges That Highlight the Need for Boundaries

Before diving into the “how-to,” let’s call out some common struggles new moms face. Because, honestly, if you’ve experienced any of these, you’re not alone:

- Unwanted Visitors: Everyone wants to see the baby, but what about you? Constant visitors can disrupt routines and deprive you of rest.
- Unsolicited Advice: “Don’t hold the baby too much; they’ll get spoiled.” “Breastfeed this way.” Ugh, the list goes on. Sometimes, it’s just too much.
- Pressure to ‘Bounce Back’: Society’s obsession with getting your pre-baby body back is exhausting. Newsflash: your body just created life—it’s amazing as it is.
- Mom Guilt: There’s this unspoken pressure to do it all—be the perfect mom, partner, and homemaker. Spoiler: you don’t have to.

Feel seen? Good. Because recognizing these challenges is the first step in addressing them.

How to Create Boundaries During Postpartum

Now let’s get to the good stuff—how to actually set those boundaries so you can focus on you.

1. Start with Your Inner Circle

Your partner, your parents, your best friend—they’re your biggest supporters, but they can also become the biggest boundary-crossers if you’re not clear about your needs. Sit down with them (preferably before the baby arrives) and say something like, “I know everyone is excited, but this is what I’ll need after the baby is here.”

Be specific. For example:

- “Please text before visiting to make sure it’s a good time.”
- “We’d love meals dropped off, but we’re not up for hosting.”
- “I need some quiet time each day to rest and recover.”

It’s not being rude; it’s being honest.

2. Limit Social Media Exposure

Spoiler alert: not every moment of your postpartum life needs to be Instagram-worthy. Social media can be a blessing and a curse. Sure, it’s great for sharing baby photos, but it can also invite unsolicited comments or leave you comparing yourself to other moms (who probably don’t have it all together either, by the way).

Consider taking a social media break or setting limits on what you share. This boundary protects your mental space and reduces unnecessary pressure.

3. Say “No” Without Guilt

Let me say it louder for the people in the back: It’s okay to say no. Seriously. Whether someone asks to visit during naptime or expects you to attend a family gathering with a newborn, feel free to decline. You’re not being selfish; you’re being self-aware.

A simple, “Thanks so much for understanding, but I’m not feeling up to it right now,” works wonders. Nobody’s feelings are more important than your well-being.

4. Delegate Like a Boss

You’re not a superhero—even though it probably feels like you need to be. Don’t hesitate to ask for help. Whether it’s having someone pick up groceries, do a load of laundry, or simply hold the baby while you shower, delegating is a form of self-care.

Remember, it takes a village. Let your people be your village!

Boundary-Setting for Emotional Well-Being

Boundaries aren’t just about saying no to others—they’re about saying yes to yourself. Here’s how to protect not just your physical energy, but also your emotional and mental health.

Guarding Against Mom Guilt

Mom guilt is that sneaky little voice that says you’re not doing enough. It’s easy to let it creep in when you set boundaries—like declining visitors or choosing rest over chores. But let me tell you something: taking care of yourself is one of the best things you can do for your baby.

Think of it like putting on your oxygen mask before helping others on an airplane. You can’t show up for your baby in the way you want to if you’re running on empty.

Practicing Gratitude Without Obligation

Just because someone offers advice or helps out doesn’t mean you owe them unlimited access to your time or home. Be grateful, but don’t feel obligated. A simple, “Thanks, I’ll think about it,” is enough when someone offers advice or opinions you didn’t ask for.

The Benefits of Boundaries During Postpartum

Sticking to boundaries isn’t always easy, but the rewards are so worth it. Here’s what you stand to gain:

- Better Rest and Recovery: Fewer interruptions mean more time to sleep, relax, and heal.
- Improved Mental Health: Protecting your emotional energy keeps overwhelm at bay.
- Stronger Relationships: Clear communication prevents misunderstandings and resentment.
- A Happier You: And let’s face it—a happy mom equals a happy baby.

What About Pushback?

Okay, let’s get real. Not everyone will respect your boundaries right away. Some people might push back, guilt you, or worse—ignore your wishes altogether.

Here’s the trick: stay firm. Think of your boundaries as a protective bubble for your healing. If someone pops that bubble, it’s okay to remind them, gently but firmly.

For instance:

- “I really appreciate your love for the baby, but I need some downtime to rest.”
- “This is what I’ve decided is best for my recovery, and I’d love your support.”

If someone truly cares about you, they’ll get it. And if they don’t? Well, that says more about them than it does about you.

Trust Yourself

At the end of the day, you know what’s best for you and your family. Trust your instincts. If something feels like too much, step back. If someone’s energy isn’t sitting right with you, create some distance. This season of life is all about finding your rhythm and protecting your peace.

And remember, boundaries aren’t just walls to keep people out—they’re bridges to healthier relationships. By setting clear expectations, you’re giving others a roadmap for how to support you during this life-changing time.

Final Thoughts

Creating boundaries during postpartum isn’t about being selfish—it’s about being smart. You’ve just accomplished one of the most incredible feats a human body can achieve. Now it’s time to focus on your healing and well-being.

So, take a deep breath, mama. Trust that setting boundaries is an act of love—both for yourself and for your growing family. You’ve got this.