Crying it Out? How to Decide Which Sleep Training Method is Right for You

4 July 2025

Let’s just be real for a second—sleep deprivation is no joke. If you’re pacing the nursery like a zombie at 2 AM, coffee in hand, and wondering if sleep training is the answer to your prayers, welcome to the club.

We’ve all been there—googling “how to get my baby to sleep through the night” while half-asleep ourselves. One of the first things that pops up? The cry it out method. But is that really the right fit for you and your baby?

Spoiler: There's more than one way to sleep train, and this guide will help you figure out which method suits your parenting style and your little one’s temperament.

What Exactly Is Sleep Training?

Sleep training is simply helping your baby learn how to fall asleep (and stay asleep) without needing your help every time they stir. That’s it. No witchcraft. No sleep boot camp. Just teaching baby the skills to self-soothe.

The goal? More sleep for everyone in the house. Hallelujah.

But here’s the catch: every baby is unique, and so is every parent. That's why there's no “one-size-fits-all” method. The good news? You’ve got options—and we’re diving deep into them.

Crying It Out (CIO): What’s the Big Deal?

Okay, let's tackle the most talked-about method first.

Also known as the Ferber Method (or sometimes just CIO), this approach involves putting your baby to bed awake and letting them cry for a bit without immediate intervention. Over time, the idea is that the baby learns to fall asleep on their own.

Sounds Harsh, Right?

It definitely feels that way at first. Listening to your baby cry can tug hard at your heartstrings. But research shows that, when done right and in a supportive environment, this method doesn’t cause emotional harm.

That said, it’s not for everyone—and that’s okay.

Pros:

- Works fairly quickly (think: days, not weeks)
- Teaches strong self-soothing skills
- Helps baby learn consistent sleep patterns

Cons:

- Emotionally taxing for parents (and sometimes baby)
- Can feel too “rigid” for some families

Best For:

Confident parents with a predictable routine and a baby older than 6 months.

The No-Tears Method (aka: Gentle Sleep Training)

On the other end of the spectrum, we’ve got gentle sleep training—where you help your baby fall asleep with minimal crying. Think patting, rocking, and gradual withdrawal of your presence over time.

Pros:

- Emotionally easier for parents and babies
- Maintains a strong feeling of comfort and security
- Encourages bonding and responsiveness

Cons:

- Takes longer (sometimes weeks or months)
- Can be exhausting and require serious consistency
- Might not result in “sleeping through the night” right away

Best For:

Parents who aren’t comfortable with crying and prioritize emotional closeness over rapid progress.

Think of this as baby steps—literally. You’re gently guiding your little one toward independent sleep, one tiny step at a time.

The Pick-Up/Put-Down Method

This one’s kind of a middle ground. You put baby down awake, and if they cry, you pick them up to comfort them. Rinse and repeat. It’s basically a “We’re here for you, but it’s bedtime” mantra.

Pros:

- Offers emotional support while still teaching independence
- Builds trust between parent and baby
- It’s adaptable depending on baby’s needs

Cons:

- Can take a long time, especially if baby gets confused
- Might become exhausting if done over and over through the night

Best For:

Parents who want a hands-on approach without leaving baby to cry it out.

If gentle sleep training and CIO had a baby, it’d probably look like this method.

The Chair Method

Take a seat—literally.

In this technique, you sit on a chair next to your baby’s crib as they fall asleep. Each night, you move the chair further away until you’re out of the room.

Slow and steady wins this race.

Pros:

- Gradual separation helps reassure baby
- Visual presence of parent can reduce anxiety
- Doesn’t involve full-on crying it out

Cons:

- Requires a lot of consistency (and patience)
- Might be hard for mobile toddlers who want to come over and cuddle

Best For:

Babies and toddlers who are comforted by your presence and who thrive with routines.

This one's like emotional training wheels—you’re still right there, helping guide them toward independence.

Which Method Is “The Best”?

Honestly? There’s no gold medal winner here. The “best” method is the one that aligns with your parenting style, your baby’s personality, and your family’s needs.

Ask yourself a few key questions:

- How comfortable am I with hearing my baby cry?
- How much time and consistency can I invest?
- Is my baby ready for sleep training (usually after 4–6 months)?
- Do I have support from a partner or caregiver?

And don’t forget—some babies are just better sleepers than others. It’s not a reflection of your parenting. Promise.

Tips for Successful Sleep Training (Whatever Method You Choose)

No matter what path you pick, these golden rules apply:

1. Start With a Bedtime Routine

Think bath, lullaby, feeding, light dimming. A predictable pattern tells your baby, “Hey, it’s time to wind down.”

2. Consistency is Your BFF

Pick a method—and stick with it. Babies learn through repetition.

3. Watch for Sleep Cues

Yawning, rubbing eyes, zoning out? These are your baby’s way of saying, “I’m ready!”

4. Avoid Sleep Crutches

Things like rocking, feeding, or driving to get your baby to sleep don’t teach self-soothing. You’ll become the crutch. And that’s a tough habit to break.

5. Be Patient

Sleep training is a marathon, not a sprint (unless you’re going full CIO). Celebrate small victories—even if it’s just one extra hour of sleep.

But What About Regressions and Setbacks?

Yep, they happen. Teething, illness, travel, or a growth spurt can all wreak havoc on even the most solid sleep routine.

Here’s the trick: don’t panic. Stick to your routine as much as you can and know that it’s totally normal.

Sleep training isn't a "one and done" process. It's more like a dance—you lead for a while, then let them take the lead, and sometimes you’ve gotta go back and review the steps.

Aren’t Babies Supposed to Wake Up at Night Anyway?

Funny you should ask—that’s technically true.

Babies have shorter sleep cycles, and it’s totally natural for them to wake up during the night. The goal of sleep training isn’t to stop all wakings—it’s to help your baby learn how to go back to sleep on their own without needing your help every time.

Think of it like teaching your kid to ride a bike. You're not taking away the bumps in the road—you’re just helping them learn to balance so they don’t fall every time.

Real Talk: Mom Guilt and Sleep Training

Let’s address the elephant in the room—mom guilt (or dad guilt!). It’s real. Especially around sleep training.

Some parents feel awful letting their babies cry. Others feel judged not doing it. Here’s your permission slip: you’re doing great. Truly.

Whatever sleep training method you choose (even if you decide not to sleep train at all), what matters most is that you’re making thoughtful choices out of love.

When to Talk to a Pediatrician

If your baby isn’t sleeping well despite your best efforts—or if something just feels “off”—it’s totally okay to loop in a healthcare provider.

Sleep issues can sometimes be linked to medical concerns like reflux, allergies, or even just developmental hiccups.

Trust your gut, always.

Final Thoughts: Trust Yourself

Sleep training can feel overwhelming, especially with all the opinions flying around. But here’s the thing: You know your baby better than anyone else.

Whether you choose cry it out, no-tears, or somewhere in between—what matters is that it's working for your family.

Be kind to yourself. Do what feels right. And remember: this stage doesn’t last forever. One day, your baby will be a teenager sleeping till noon, and you’ll be sipping coffee wondering why you ever begged for more sleep.

Until then—deep breaths, snuggles, and maybe a white noise machine.