How to Stay Calm and Patient During the Sleep Training Process

15 January 2025

Sleep training can feel a lot like trying to solve a puzzle with too many missing pieces. As parents, we want the best for our little ones, and helping them develop healthy sleep habits is important. But let’s be real for a second: the process can be frustrating and, at times, overwhelming. If you’ve ever found yourself staring at the ceiling at 3 a.m., wondering if your baby will ever fall asleep, you’re not alone.

In this article, we’ll dive into practical strategies to help you stay calm and patient during the sleep training process. More importantly, we’ll explore ways to keep your sanity intact.

Why Does Sleep Training Feel So Hard?

Before we jump into the "how," let’s talk about the "why." Why does sleep training often feel like an uphill battle?

Babies don’t come with an instruction manual (surprise, surprise!), and each child is different. One method might work wonders for a friend's baby, but it could lead to sleepless nights for yours. That’s completely normal.

Sleep deprivation also plays a huge role. It’s hard to remain calm when both you and your baby are exhausted. Let’s not forget the emotional aspect—it's tough hearing your baby cry and not always knowing the best way to comfort them.

But here’s the good news: with the right mindset and approach, you can make it through.

Set Realistic Expectations

One of the main reasons parents struggle with sleep training is because they set the bar a little too high. We read stories about babies who sleep through the night at 8 weeks, and we assume ours should be doing the same. Spoiler alert: there’s no rulebook here.

Embrace the Learning Curve

How long did it take you to learn how to drive? Or bake a cake without burning it? Babies are learning a brand-new skill—falling asleep and staying asleep—and that takes time. Patience is key. And the best part? The journey isn't linear. There will be good nights and tough nights, and that's okay.

Celebrate Small Wins

Your baby slept an extra 15 minutes last night? Celebrate it! Progress doesn’t always look like a full night's sleep right away. Gradual improvement is still improvement.

By setting realistic expectations and focusing on small victories, you'll feel more confident and less anxious.

Create a Calm Sleep Environment

A soothing environment is your secret weapon when it comes to sleep training. Think about it like this: if you were trying to sleep in a noisy, bright room, you’d have trouble, right? The same goes for your little one.

Keep It Dark and Quiet

Babies sleep better in a dark, quiet space. Consider blackout curtains to keep the room dim and a white noise machine to drown out any disturbances. The goal is to create an environment that signals to your baby that it's time to sleep.

Avoid Overstimulation Before Bedtime

Is your baby super active right before bedtime? It might be a good idea to start winding down earlier. Playtime should gradually become more relaxed, and activities like reading a book or singing a lullaby can help signal that it's time to sleep.

Stick to a Bedtime Routine

Babies thrive on routine because it helps them know what to expect. Establishing a simple bedtime routine can make a world of difference. Whether it’s a bath, a story, or some cuddle time, having a consistent routine helps signal that sleep is coming.

Strategies for Staying Calm

Sleep training is often just as tough (if not tougher) on parents as it is on babies. When your patience is running thin, it's important to have some go-to strategies to help you stay calm.

1. Take Deep Breaths

Yes, it sounds too simple to work, right? But trust me, breathing can do wonders. When you're feeling overwhelmed, take a minute for yourself. Inhale deeply, hold it for a moment, and then exhale slowly. This activates your body’s relaxation response and helps you reset.

2. Remind Yourself, “This Too Shall Pass”

In the thick of sleep training, it can feel like you’ll never get a full night’s sleep again. But here's the thing: it’s temporary. Just like the newborn stage didn’t last forever, sleep training won’t either. Keeping your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel can make the hard nights a little easier.

3. Tag-Team When Possible

If you have a partner, utilize the power of teamwork. Sleep training doesn’t have to be a solo mission. Taking turns with nighttime wake-ups or giving each other breaks can help prevent burnout and ensure that both of you get some rest.

4. Don’t Be Afraid to Step Away

Sometimes, the sound of your baby crying can feel unbearable, especially when you're already running on fumes. If you need a minute to collect yourself, it’s okay to step away for a moment. Place your baby somewhere safe and take a few deep breaths, grab a sip of water, or even vent to a friend. Your baby will be fine for a few minutes while you take care of yourself.

5. Practice Self-Compassion

Let’s get real for a second: sleep training can be tough on your emotions. You may feel frustrated, guilty, or even like you’re failing. But here’s the truth—you’re doing your best, and that’s enough. Be kind to yourself. Parenting is hard, and no one gets it "perfect."

When Things Get Tough: Handling the Tears

No one likes listening to their baby cry. That’s just fact. However, crying is often part of sleep training, and learning how to handle it can make a huge difference in your emotional wellbeing.

Understand the Cry Types

Babies cry for all sorts of reasons, and not every cry is a sign of distress. Sometimes, they’re simply frustrated because they’re learning something new. Over time, you’ll start to identify different types of cries—hunger, discomfort, tiredness, etc. Understanding this can help you stay calm, knowing that your baby isn’t necessarily upset but is adjusting to a new routine.

Self-Soothing vs. Comforting: Strike the Balance

Some methods of sleep training emphasize self-soothing—allowing your baby to fall asleep on their own after a period of crying. Others encourage more comforting. The right approach depends on what works for your family. But remember, it's okay to strike a balance. You don’t have to commit to one method if it’s not working for you or your baby.

The Power of Positive Reinforcement

Each time your baby manages to self-soothe or sleep for a longer stretch, give yourself a pat on the back. Positive reinforcement isn’t just for your little one—it’s for you, too. Celebrate even the smallest progress, and remind yourself that you’re working towards a bigger goal.

The Role of Sleep Training Methods

Not all sleep training methods are created equal, and what works for one family may not work for another. Let’s briefly explore a few popular methods to help you determine what might feel right for you.

The Ferber Method

Also known as the “check and console" method, this strategy involves letting your baby cry for short intervals before going in to comfort them. Gradually, the intervals become longer over time.

The Chair Method

This method involves sitting next to your baby as they fall asleep, gradually moving your chair farther away from the crib each night.

Pick-Up/Put-Down Method

With this technique, you pick up your baby to soothe them when they’re crying but put them back down before they fall asleep. This helps them learn to do the final step of falling asleep on their own.

Each of these methods has its pros and cons, and the right choice depends on your baby’s personality and what feels comfortable for you.

Focus on the Bigger Picture

At the end of the day, sleep training is just one part of the bigger journey of parenting. Yes, the sleepless nights are tough, but they’re also temporary. Your baby will eventually learn to sleep through the night, and you’ll regain your precious sleep.

Build a Support System

Don’t try to do this alone. Whether it’s a supportive partner, a friend who’s also a parent, or an online parenting group, having someone to lean on can make a huge difference. Being able to talk about your frustrations and get advice from others who’ve been through it makes the whole process easier.

Trust Your Instincts

While there are plenty of expert opinions out there, no one knows your baby better than you do. Trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t be afraid to tweak the plan.

Take Care of Yourself

Sleep training is hard enough without trying to do it on an empty tank. Prioritize your own health—both mental and physical. Get as much rest as you can, eat nutritious meals, and find time to unwind, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

Conclusion

Staying calm and patient during the sleep training process can feel like a Herculean task, but with the right mindset and strategies, it is possible. Setting realistic expectations, creating a soothing sleep environment, and practicing self-care will help you navigate this challenging time without losing your sanity. Remember, you and your baby are both learning—and before you know it, sleep training will be a distant memory.